Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize