That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
