One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
