did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
