his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
