somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
bring money and cleavage
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
