Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
