at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
