Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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