I don't think brook has ever known best
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
