i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
