meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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