he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
