Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
