Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
