If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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