my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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