He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
