Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
