Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
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