Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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