remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i jhust puked up my retainher.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
