she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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