he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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