smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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