What a fucking waste of an outfit
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
