he wants to bone in the snuggie
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
