weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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