How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
All I want is dick and wine.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
