my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize