So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
pop tarts are not kleenex
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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