I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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