omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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