Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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