Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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