i love accidental penises.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I AM VODKA MAN
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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