from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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