you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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