your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
