The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
