He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
