I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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