Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
