I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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