Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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