that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He felt like a one man threesome
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
