I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
