honey bunches of taint.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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