i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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