So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
