I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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