Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
