the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
