whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
