There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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