I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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