So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
