Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
