Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
