DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
