rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
