and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
