Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
